Show me the meaning of being lonely...

If only you could see the tears in the world you left behind
If only you could hear my heart just one more time
And even when I close my eyes, there's an image of your face
And once again I come to realise, you're a loss I can't replace

Soledad, it's a keeping for the lonely
Since the day that you were gone
Why did you leave me
Soledad, in my heart you were the only
And your memory lives on
Why did you leave me
Soledad...
* Soledad - Westlife *

I still can't get over him.. In fact, I miss him more as days pass by.. It's been 2 weeks since he left me but I'm still trying to find an answer from him.. An explaination as to why he did this to me.. I'm not asking for a patch up, I know that's impossible.. I gotta be realistic about this.. But at least, I have the right to know what exactly happened between us.. I mean he can't come to me as and when he likes it.. He came to me for a reason and I want to know the reason why he left me..

Am I difficult to deal with? Am I too good for you? If I am, then why did you approach me in the 1st place? If I am difficult, why didn't u scold me and say that I'm difficult? Why...?

Azhar, I miss you.. I miss holding hands with you.. I miss getting kisses from you.. I miss hugging you.. I miss being with you.. I miss your voice.. I miss your jokes.. I miss you damn it!!!

I've been trying very hard, trying to get your attention, trying to talk to you and it hurts me so when you totally ignore me.. Please don't treat me like this.. I can't take it.. I've cried a river the day you broke my heart and now there's no more tears in me to replace the ones I lost..

If you really don't like me anymore, don't love me anymore, don't miss me anymore, at least please treat me like a normal friend, just like as you would others.. Jangan lah awak diamkan diri aje terhadap kita..

Indah terasa bila cinta tercipta
Memadu kasih janji bersama
Bersama-sama melafaz kata cinta
Gurau senda dan tawa berdua
Tapi kini semuanya kenangan
Kau pergi tanpa pesan

Mana janjimu yang kau lafazkan dulu
Hidup dan matimu bersamaku
Rela kau pegi walau hati disakiti
Biarkanlah aku sendiri
Airmata menjadi penawar
Akanku simpan semua jadi kenangan

Pergilah kasih, pergilah sayang
Tinggalkan aku (pergilah sayang)
Biarkan saja kenangan berlalu
Antara kau dan aku
Pergilah sayang
*Ella & Korie - Pergilah Sayang*

Memories are made of these..

Even though he is no longer with me, he will always be in my thoughts.. And so I decided to type out all the smses he ever gave me for keepsake so that I can relish back the moments we had together even though they were short lived..

This is in memory of our relationship..

Sms received by him:

* Minta ampun minta maaf dari hujung rambut ke hujung kaki.. I'm a bad bf, a lousy one, sori syg..

* Aww, imagine nick singing dat to u.. holding ur hand, watching the sunset, at the beach, cold breeze.. lalala, n i cum punch him n sing to u pulak.. hehe..

* Gotcha! haha, oh cd nick pecah risau, kiter ckp kiter penat uat bodo. hehe, ni mcm punya org pun ada. muah, luv ya!

* Aww, i miss u too darling! MUACKS! thousand kisses to u! go rest dear k! luv ya!

* Dah tdo syg? hehe.. nytez.. sweet baby!

* Hah, sum people jz born lucky, wat the hell, make me so jealous but me lucky too, me hv u! hehe muah!

* Me reali luv ya.. sweet dreamz nyte2 syg!

* Haha, secret admirer konon. lu bole rilek sudah doke. hehe, luv u dear, btw me da kat ct hall!

* Nk demm eh syg, k boleh, gi rest k dear, me nw ngah siap2 nk alik.. luv u dear! muah, a peck to mk u beta.. dada..

* K, guess both o us beta get a rest k.. me stil over the moon bout 2dae, meet ibu, first tym go gal hse, first tym sound gal face 2 face, n feel so loved! i luv u loads, sweet dreamz..

* It hurts reading dat, i truly luv u.. It wil be done, i'll get it dun..
:( sori syg!

* Jealous tandanye sayang doke.. hehe, dear im reali fallin in luv wit u more n more n i hv yet to get an ans frm u, hehe, tu pasal kiter nervous ti mon

* It feelz gd when sum1 miss u, it feelz special when sum1 rememberz u, but it feelz wonderful when sum1 neva 4getz u, LuV Ya!

* :) if we true to each other i dun c y der isnt a possibility 4 us to b 2gether 4eva.. im in luv wit sum1 sweet n special n i feel tis is a beginin to a beatiful relationship.. luv u sayang.. reali do!
( i really feel so sad everytime i read this msg.. i thought he meant wat he said..)

* Awak, memang pelik sal tetiba kita dua begini pi kiter tau biler kita sayang seseorang.. :) gud nyte sayang, muack! luv ya..

* Kiter nk tanyer.. awak sudi? jadi teman hidup azhar... :)

* Hehe.. :) kiter tertarik ar dengan lemah lembut awak, cara awak melayan kiter, iyer kiter sukakan awak, pi kiter tau kiter ni tonggang tebalik, tepuk sebelah tangan tk bebunyi shikin.. shikin lak?

* Gud nyte syikin.. c u at werk.. :) 'Azhar'...
(He's first msg to me ever..)

Azhar, if u ever come to this page, I juz wanna let u know that I care for you and even if we are not meant for each other, I hope we can still be friends like before. Thanx for the nice times u've given me and I'll cherish those moments spending with you..

SIMPLE BYE MAKE U CRY
SIMPLE JOKE MAKE U LAUGH
SIMPLE CARE MAKES U FALL IN LOVE
SIMPLE TOUCH MAKES U FEEL BETTER
I HOPE MY SIMPLE PRESENCE
MAKES U SMILE...